Updated Script

My previous dialogue wasn't very good, so I have decided to start a new screenplaty with improved dialogue. Here is my progress so far.

Jack Fisher

Murder Creek script

INT. OPENING SEQUENCE. CHICO LA MATTA IS GATHERING HIS BELONGINGS FROM HIS OCKER AT IN THE OAK BUILDING AT WYKE COLLEGE.

Enter Valerie Lovegood.

                                                              Chico:

 HEY! Valerie, what are you up to later?

Valerie:

Nothing, why?

Chico:

                            Well I just wondered if you fancied coming out to MAKEOUT CREEK with me, I’ll pick you up at 7?

Valerie:

It’s a date.

EXT. ‘MAKEOUT CREEK’, A POPULAR HANGOUT FOR LOCAL TEENS. CHICO AND VALERIE ARE IN CHICO’S CAR. CHICO’S CAR IS THE ONLY ONE THERE, THE PLACE IS DESERTED.

CHICO

(in a creepy tone)

It’s so deserted, pretty creepy.

VALERIE

Stop it, you’re scaring me,

(sits bolt upright)

what was that?

CHICO

What? I didn’t hear anything? It’s just your mind playing tricks on you.

VALERIE